HVSS Was The Right Choice

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As the mother of a HVSS “lifer” who started school there at age 6 and left at age 17 when he felt ready to step out into the world, my greatest and most persistent challenge was trusting that sending him to Sudbury instead of a conventional school was the right choice. Periodically we visited other schools to see if another might hold more appeal, or at least more promise from an academic perspective. He inevitably rejected the idea of attending school elsewhere, and I always had to take a big gulp, follow his lead and trust the process every time we signed another re-enrollment contract. In truth, it wasn’t until after he left HVSS that the value of my son’s unconventional school experience became apparent. I’ve watched with great admiration as he’s applied himself to whatever he does – from restaurant work, to studying for the high school equivalency exam, to taking college courses – with dedication, discipline and a sense of purpose. With each new challenge he figures out what he needs to do, then sets about doing it. While a conventional education focuses on controlling behavior and teaching content, a Sudbury education focuses on instilling a sense of responsibility for one’s behavior and creating a context for learning. Would I say that the creative chaos of Sudbury is the right learning environment for every child? Nope, but with a great sigh of relief and the benefit of hindsight, I can confidently say that HVSS was the right choice for mine.

-Jenny Fox

We Love HVSS!

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“We were long time homeschoolers and when we were looking for the next chapter in our children’s educational journey the only school that really fit our unstructured, variable, and free style was The Hudson Valley Sudbury School. All the staff and students there are real partners in the community that is Sudbury. Everyone is supportive, accepting and caring. My children have formed many bonds and expanded their horizons in several ways. We Love HVSS!”  

-Mike Chase-Salerno

Emily Orr’s Thesis

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The last eleven years.

For the last decade and one year, I’ve been watching students grow up, and have been surrounded by people who have watched me develop over the years.  It’s something I’m so used to. From the day I sat down for my enrollment interview, something felt instantly normal and right. There is something incredibly exciting about the fact that this is what the last eleven years behind me has lead up to.  I initially thought before I sat down to write this that I should probably have a solid idea of what I want out of life first, but I’ve come to realize I can’t precisely know just yet. I need room to explore more before I can pinpoint anything, and I am excited to go out into the world and see what it has to offer me, and what I can make out of it.  I’ve come to the point where I’m ready to explain through words who I’ve become, and who I want to be. What I do know is what I’m passionate about now, and that I’ve attained the skills I need to pursue those passions.  The ability to practice with motivation, to do things on my own, to know my limits while pushing to exceed them, and advocating for my needs or others needs.  Curiosity, problem solving, adaptability, independance, strength, understanding and acceptance of imperfection; These are just some of the skills I have worked to develop and will hold forever.

The beginning.

Learning to adapt, to socialize, and to problem solve.

I came to Sudbury fresh out of Kindergarten, and had to adapt to differences like choosing when I could play outside or when I could eat lunch. Simple concepts like these were my first taste of freedom in an institution. I instantly familiarized myself with my surroundings: finding a group of like minded individuals, memorizing all of the pathways in the woods, and encountering laws by breaking them.  Growing up being surrounded by people voicing their opinions, I was constantly and gradually learning how much my thoughts matter.  My foundation started mainly with playing in the woods with friends, and figuring out how to resolve social conflicts we had by ourselves or through JC.  One thing that was a huge difference in environment I had to get used to was the age mixing. I showed up and there were older kids literally everywhere. One of them popped their head into my enrollment interview.  I can definitely see now how daunting that can seem to a six year old coming from Kindergarten, but like everything else, I adapted. I remember some of them would talk to my friends and me, help us out with things, and it didn’t feel as though they were more important than us.  They soon just became people to me.

Along with collecting and trading littlest pet shops, I remember that everyday I would get lost with my friends in imagination games where we would think on the spot and confront problems while having the best time.  It seemed like time was sped up and I was able to flourish in my own world. I never wanted to leave when my Dad would pick me up, just like when at a friends house. Being young at Sudbury felt like an ongoing playdate with your best friend.

Discovery.

Overcoming obstacles, imperfection, and pursuing passions.

There have most definitely been times when I’ve questioned my education.  There’ve been times where I thought I haven’t been pushed hard enough in terms of learning.  Hitting the wall is something a lot of Sudbury students experience. Around this time period of pre/early teens, I would question everything I was doing, and everything I wasn’t learning.  I wondered if it was wrong to not have classes to complain to people about having to take, and not having to stress over grades and exams. I thought that not having those things other kids had must mean no one is pushing me to learn, therefor how will I be educated. Then I realized that fear was a good thing, and it was exactly what I needed.  I needed to question what I was doing, debate leaving, and hit the wall. Those moments of doubt pushed me to reflect, and build self awareness. As I explored new interests and tried new things, I worked towards goals at my own pace, asked for help, and grew to trust that I was doing what I needed to do. Around this same time period of pre/early teens, I wanted classes and assignments, and worked with my friends and myself to make them happen.  I remember the first class I collectively set up was a Spanish class with a student parent, and the list went on from there. I started participating in setting up classes, and had a strong desire to get a taste of as much as I could. I started Acting at the age of twelve, and surly fell in love with it as it became one of my biggest passions. When I was fourteen I wanted to take a biology class which I ended up studying for two years, which led me to want to take the biology regents test to see if I could meet the equivalent standards of a public high school student, and I did.  Not because I thought I had to, but because I was curious. Some classes I would stick with, and others I would attend for a day and decide it wasn’t for me. I took on positions in the community such as School Meeting Chair, JC Clerk and participated in different cooperatives. Having the ability to decide for myself what my priorities were from a young age allowed me to to find what I’m truly passionate about.

As I was growing and despite everything new I was trying, I still had occasional doubts.  In the 2017-2018 school year and up until early this year, I thought that I should wait another year to graduate.  I spent a lot of time going over the pros and cons of staying another year. One of the main points of this internal debate with myself was: Do I represent my idea of the perfect sudbury graduate? Someone who is ready to enter adulthood with self assurance and confidence, and who knows exactly how to voice their opinions with no insecurity.  I’ve struggled with the fact that I’m not fully that person. A part of me was putting pressure on myself to be that person; a person who has no self doubt, but that was unrealistic. What is the definition of perfect?  Can any person or concept ever reach the point of being “as good as it can possibly be”?  And the final question: Am I my own idea of the perfect Sudbury graduate? My answer is no, because there is no such thing.  Instead of embracing who I am right now, I thought I needed to reach the extent of my personal growth before I could make a true statement on why I’m ready to leave.  After a long period of questions and doubts, I concluded that I’ve reached the point of awareness in myself that I need to take the next step. I finally trust that I know what I want right now, I can reflect on all the parts of me that I’ve built from the start to the present, and see myself a year from now in a new environment.  My confidence has been growing with me through every step of the way, and it will continue to in every direction I go. Right now I’m happy with all the skills I have to grow and function independently in the world, and I believe in who I am today. Because today I am independent, strong, and imperfect.

A Sudbury Lifer.

Curiosity, understanding, and independence.

Something I’m excited to continue to do outside of Sudbury is experiencing different fields of work and study, while continuing to feed into the pursuits that I know and love.  In my future, I want to act in films, and be apart of the art of storytelling. That’s been one of my dreams for a long time, and I’ve gotten to discover and explore that dream through the plays I’ve been in at Sudbury and being a huge movie enthusiast.  Videography and film in general is an art that helps people through storytelling, compassion, and being able to relate to a story. It’s an art form I hope to be apart of. I love it with all of my heart, and I think I realized just how much meaning and happiness it gives me in my role in Sudbury’s production of Rabbit Hole.  During that rehearsal process, I learned how to connect with a character more than I knew possible.  One of the exercises we did for character development was writing a collection of past journal entries as your character during significantly important time periods of their life, and I really surprised myself with just how close I got myself to the role.  I played a mother named Becca who was grieving the loss of her child, and I was nervous going into such a serious role. I really wanted to tell her story in a way that did it justice and left an impression on the audience, so I tried really hard and dug deep to find personal connections I had with her character and I did.  That show was the eye opening experience that showed me how powerful theater and performance is, and that show will always mean so much more than a production to me. It was therapeutic in a way. I’ve gotten the opportunity to learn extremely valuable skills and be in a handful of other shows that I now have under my belt, and this year I’ve co-written a show with one of my closest friends that we’re directing ourselves.

In the spring semester of 2018, I took an art history course at Bard college through the high school bridge program. I was working probably the hardest I’ve ever worked to prove myself in a classroom full of actual college students, and very rarely shared with anyone the fact that I was a sixteen year old bridge student.  Throughout that course, I communicated with my two professors all the time, approaching them with a little too many questions in person and over email. I asked for help with the work I was doing from people around me at school and at home, and I definitely met my standards of succeeding in a college environment. I knew my ability to go beyond my own expectations and be truly absorbed in whatever I was focusing on. I was challenged academically, and on a class field trip to New York City where I got lost in the Met for a couple hours.  Though I was scared, had no idea how big the Met actually was, and called my parents a number of times, I knew how to be independant and on my own. I asked people for directions, roamed the exhibits, and did research on the paper I was writing. I was exercising the independence I’ve grown up with, which I’m going to need in the world ahead. After spending time with myself, I found a classmate I recognized, roamed central park, and had the best time.

Having grown up with the fundamentals of trust and self responsibility, I have a clear understanding of people’s choices.  From having witnessed and lived it, I understand that education comes in many different forms for every single individual. There should be more trust in people’s choices for education, and I think that believing that you have to follow a certain plan and structure to be successful in life is unrealistic and restrictive in a way, especially in this day and age in society.  Life is emphatically unpredictable, and things will be thrown at you along the way, so it’s hard to know the right answer for heading towards the future.  Being at Sudbury, I’ve gotten to see everywhere how different everyone’s learning experiences are. I’ve noticed how nobody learns in the same ways, or pursues all the same interests.  Knowing that I could ask every student what they do in a day and what their interests are and get completely different answers, I’m very aware that there is a different path and way of going about learning for everyone and they’re all equally important and should be seen as such.

Along with everything else that came natural to me through growing up at Sudbury, I learned to be a role model.  I’ve grown up alongside older students my whole life at sudbury, and that’s allowed me to understand how important it is to be a strong and kind figure for younger students.  A huge part of being a Sudbury student is being open and respectful of everyone around you no matter the age. You can learn valuable things from people who are older than you, or something just as valuable from someone ten years younger, and I’ve gained that awareness naturally.

The end.

Self identity, and the world ahead.

Yes, acting has stuck with me for years and will continue to, but there are so many other fields of study I’m curious to pursue.  Next year I’m planning on taking core classes full time at Dutchess community college, while also taking up their drama courses. My main focus next year will be to get a foundation in a college environment, discover new interests, attain credits and solidify what I want my major to be if I stick with my plan to transfer to a four year.  At this time in my life I’m starting to get new ideas that I want to grab onto as much as I can. Ideas of what I want to do that’s new, the possibilities for the future, and what I can work towards.

The outside world is filled with obstacles on concentration and creativity, and that’s something I’ve already practiced from the start to the finish in my education.  It’s human nature to want to expand whether that’s through curiosity, exploration, or working towards a goal in mind, and there isn’t a right or a wrong way to do it. I’ve had to push myself creatively because of the fact that I was thrown into my education with simple tools to build and shape my own knowledge, and I have taught myself not only how to learn, but how to be curious.  I know that my specific experience in the department of learning will be a part of me in whatever I choose to do outside of my school, and so will everyone and everything that’s inspired me to explore. I am in no way done developing as a person in this world, and in no way will I ever be finished learning. In who I am and whoever I become, the last eleven years will always be in my roots.  I know that my skills in independence, self-awareness, acceptance, and problem solving will help me continue to grow. I’ve accepted myself, and I’m happy with being perfectly imperfect.

Alumni Interview with Colin Thrapp

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What have you been up to since graduation?

Well during my last year at school I worked at Outdated Cafe in Kingston one day per week.  I started there doing prep work – chopping vegetables, etc.  After graduation, I jumped right into working full-time as a dishwasher at Outdated, which I did for about six months, before moving on to being a prep cook for 8 months and then finally I was a head cook for the rest of my time there.  The experience showed me that I did really want to be a cook, although I wanted to work somewhere I could prepare food that was a little nicer, and I wanted to learn about meat (and Outdated is a vegetarian cafe).   I wanted broader knowledge of food, so one day I went across the street to the world-class butchery there, Fleishers, and asked the manager Bryan, “what’s the best way to learn how to butcher?” and he said, “Do you want a job?”  I knew immediately that I would quit my job at Outdated and start up at Fleishers.  I worked there for 9 months, and I learned more than I even knew existed, from working with the meat to learning about the animals themselves, what it means for animals to be healthy and happy, what the exact opposite means, and the difference in the quality of the meat.  Occasionally, we would get our meat in  “primals” which are essentially quarters of animals to butcher, 150 lb pieces of meat that we would take down, or more often Fleishers main butchery in Red Hook, Brooklyn, would send us “sub-primals,” which is essentially each muscle, where you might have the shoulder clod which is the ranch steak, or the London Broil, and we would break that down into steaks.

Before I even started working at Fleishers, I had bought a plane ticket to Norway, because I have Norwiegan blood and I wanted to go explore the country.  So really right after I started at Fleishers I took the trip, and while I was in Oslo I bought a plane ticket to Copenhagen on a whim, and went for one night and ate at a restaurant called Ante.  I met the cook and he asked me to come stag (apprentice) with him.  So I planned to go back after getting more experience at Fleishers.  When I did, this cook was at a new restaurant called Bror, and I started an apprenticeship there – the two head chefs had both been sue-chefs at Noma, which was the number one restaurant in the world for three consecutive years, so there was a lot to learn from them.  The biggest benefit for my career of the whole experience was networking – I have a job opportunity coming up at a restaurant in NYC which is a two Michelin star place called Momofuku ko, which is huge, and the opportunity opened up to me through connections I made in Copenhagen.  I’m glad I’m taking this route rather than say going to the Culinary Institute of America, because knowing the people I do seems way more valuable than a degree, which is really expensive anyway. Also, right now Noma now has a pop-up restaurant in Tulum, Mexico, which I’m going to visit at end of month.

What is your ambition?

In some ways it’s too early – I do have a fantasy of owning a restaurant but I know it’s really too early to clearly perceive what my ultimate goal should be – I’m still a beginner, so I’m still exploring.

What was your time at HVSS like?

I was four when the school was founded and spent a lot of time here that year, and then continued through until I graduated when I was 16, so I was here for around 11 or 12 years.  I spent maybe all my time as a younger student playing.  Later I had some more focused interests – I made movies for a while, and then got into photography and graphic design, I still do some 3-D art, not as much as I might like to do.  And close to the end of my time at school I started to get interested in cooking.

Did you ever study any academics at school?

No.

Are there any moments when you feel like your lack of academic training betrays you?

Uh…not really.  Although when I was in Copenhagen I was in a bar and doing a trivia competition, and I didn’t know some history facts, but it’s not as though that made me feel like my life was falling apart or anything, and actually my teammates (who had been through traditional school) didn’t either.

How did you learn how to read and write?

I don’t know, I think it just kind of happened.  When my brother was four he somehow started reading books, and I saw that, and figured I wanted to read books too.  I’m sure my parents helped me, I don’t have much memory of it.  For writing, it was more self-taught, mostly at school because that’s where I spent most of my time.  I don’t remember specifically how it happened – I think it was gradual, you have to write, it’s a necessity, so you figure it out.

Do you feel like you gained any skills at school that are serving you right now?

Definitely yes, although it’s always hard to know what’s happening because of having gone to HVSS or just because of who I am but if I had to guess what I got here, it’s being able to adapt to different situations quickly, socialize, not have a fear of talking to older people, and also not to have a fear or disdain of younger people trying to do amazing things.  Some people I’ve met in the restaurant industry do sort of look down on younger people in the industry and maybe distrust them, but I’m open to working with younger people and supporting them to get involved with things and succeed.

Note: Good news! Since we did this interview with Colin, he has been hired by Momofuku Ko and moved to NYC.

Nami Bates

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“I went to the Hudson Valley Sudbury School for 2 years, and let me tell you those were the best 2 years of my high school life. Sudbury is such a unique learning environment, and it had a huge impact on who I am today.

When I first attended, I was extremely self conscious and shy from my experience in public schools. Being in Sudbury, everyone was trying to get me out of my ‘self conscious’ bubble, and they did. Being somewhere where the age range is so diverse, from toddlers to teens to the adults, you learn so many different things just from the experiences of others or just observing everyone. I become comfortable in speaking my own voice and sharing my opinions. The whole time I was in public school I was terrible at writing essays, but when I came out of Sudbury, I was extremely good because I was finally able to express what I wanted to say and write.

Sudbury gave me the chance to work really hard on improving my art skills which is my biggest passion. If it weren’t for Sudbury, I wouldn’t be as good as I am today. Getting 2 years straight to devote time to develop my art really made a huge difference. Since I live in Thailand now, its not easy getting a job unless you have a diploma. This isn’t much of a problem for me because I’ve been making money by drawing for people. Everything I do is through the internet, so I get clients from different places. All in all, Sudbury allowed me to boost my confidence level, artistic skills and helped me to further pursue my goals with passion. It gave me things I can use, not just after high school and college, but for the rest of my life. These things I KNOW I would never have gotten if I didn’t go to Sudbury.

I’m in University now, and sometimes I wish there was a Sudbury style University! Sudbury has got to be the most effective school out there.”

[Ed. You can check out Nami’s art at momijigirl.deviantart.com]

I am (not) Autism

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When I was 15, I dropped out of school. It was more of a passive decision than an active one. I just decided I was sick of sitting in a classroom for an hour learning facts that I either knew already or didn’t need to know at all. I didn’t announce to my mom “I’m going to drop out of school”. I just didn’t go. I refused to.

This wasn’t unusual for me. I always had a history of hating school, since I was bullied since first grade and the school did absolutely nothing to stop it. But with college looming on the horizon in several years, I think the school district (and my parents) finally decided to do something about it. The district organized several meetings with my parents, the school staff, and my teachers from the previous year. I was never at these meetings, nor was I invited. But every month or so, right on schedule, my mom would come home with printed information and brochures on faraway boarding schools that specialized in disabled children.

That first set of papers was also the first time I realized that the public school system didn’t see me as an individual. To them, I was a diagnosis.

I wasn’t Emma Elizabeth Boers, as it was printed on my birth certificate. I wasn’t a being of any sort.

I was Autism.

After a failed period of being homeschooled, my mom found the Hudson Valley Sudbury School online. We drove down an hour and a half to Woodstock to visit in the middle of a dreary December night. I knew after the informational meeting that this is where I wanted to go. I canceled my meeting with a Montessori school the next day, my mom paid the fee for the visiting week, and it was settled.

My first day, I moped around the halls feeling lonely. The school’s environment was so social, it was difficult for me to even try to fit in. What would they say if I talked out of turn or said something stupid? I didn’t understand how I would ever fit in. I walked into a room of gamers and thought it would be a good idea for me to bring a few video games the next day. And the next day, I suddenly became the game room’s favorite new student.

After a few long weeks of nothing but Super Smash Bros. Brawl, I was slowly becoming more social. I still didn’t understand what was and wasn’t appropriate to say or do, but I at least decided to speak up instead of being quiet and not talking to people. Slowly but surely, my social skills were improving far beyond what they ever were in public school. I was never afraid to talk to different people, new people, people I didn’t know. Bullying seemed almost nonexistent (though I had issues with a few students) and I felt like I was actually accepted by other beings for once in my life.

While at HVSS, I also decided to pursue my old interest in writing. I had written an (unpublished) novella at the age of 13, but stopped writing when I couldn’t get it published. It was bad, and I realized that, but I also felt like with classes and homework out of the way I had the strength to pursue something like that again. I started on the first draft of the novel Leech Child at HVSS, with the support and advice of the staff.

Near the end of my first year at HVSS I was sitting in the lounge, chatting with some of the other students, when the subject of mental disability came up. I offhandedly mentioned something about my autism, not even thinking about how people might respond.

“Oh, you have autism? Wow, I never would have guessed.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

The responses came one after the other, and even as the conversation moved on, I was shocked. Why weren’t they making fun of me? Isn’t it obvious I’m different?

I thought about it for a bit, and a realization came to me – Sudbury, as a whole, was different. The philosophy was obviously different than the compulsory schooling most kids were used to. The kids were nicer, funnier, and more social. The parents cared more about their children, and the staff didn’t take the job for any superficial reason – they loved kids, and they loved to teach them the way they were supposed to be taught.

We were different, and I loved it.

Several more years passed by, and my mom moved down to Woodstock so I could attend the school more easily. I learned to play Magic: the Gathering, hosted several games of Pokemon D&D, Espionage and Dokapon Kingdom, started school wide projects like making Shrinky Dinks for the craft fair, made Cheeze Whiz flavored gumdrops, and generally had an excellent time. Leech Child was coming along well and I even served on the Judicial Committee, something I thought I would have never been able to do.

At the end of what would be my last year at HVSS, I walked up in front of a whole crowd of people carrying a sheet of notebook paper, and I recited the speech I had written down. I was shaking, and my mouth seemed to move on its own, and I think I cried a bit at the end, but it was beautiful.

It’s been a bit more than six months since I left HVSS, if my memory is right. I’m not in college yet because I wanted some time off to pursue my interests – writing, art, and game development – but I’m hoping to go to Hudson Valley Community College in the fall, and I have little doubt that they’ll accept me. Leech Child is on its third or fourth revision, and I think it’s going well.

Probably the best side effect of HVSS for me was that I began to accept who I was. That I was a being, a person, a somebody. I wasn’t a diagnosis or a label. I could be whatever I wanted to be, within reason, and that was okay.

Today I’m going to announce that in the long run, I’m okay with who I am. Sometimes I might falter or lose faith in myself but for the most part, I appreciate the young adult I’m turning into.

I’m a writer. I’m genderqueer. I’m an artist. I’m a misanthrope. I’m geeky. I’m autistic. Some people know me as Emma, while others know me as Seika or Ness.

But none of these alone are really me.

Sudbury, both the philosophy and the community, helped me realize this. No being is a label, or even a collection of them. We are all a collection of unique experiences and stories, and we each have the potential to contribute something positive to this planet, no matter how small.

It’s okay to be YOU.

And so my story comes to an end. I am NOT Autism. I am Ness, and this is the beginning of a (hopefully) long list of contributions I will make to planet Earth:

Listen to your child. Do they enjoy school? If not, something is wrong. Learning should be an enlightening experience. It shouldn’t be a jail.

Your kid will tell you the truth. After all, kids are the most honest people on Earth.

Well, except for me. I’m a bit too brutally honest for my own good.

And I’m okay with that.

James Davis – Director of Program and Marketing for Vanderkamp

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Note: 20+ students, 3 staff members and some parents went on an overnight field trip to Vanderkamp Center – A Christian Retreat and Summer Camp.  The following testimonial is from the director of the camp.

Working with the Sudbury School kids was amazing for me. I’ve worked with thousands of different children, and saw a few startling differences in the tendencies of Sudbury kids.  The first was a willingness to ask for help.  We did one ropes activity that requires the participants to traverse a long series of cables and ropes. The catch is that it pretty literally can not be done alone.  Every group I’ve worked with until this week struggled mightily at the section that requires help. Typically they will try to do it alone several times before asking if they might possibly be able to work together.  Many times people just want to give up.  The Sudbury group had no difficulty at all.

When the first student reached the difficult portion, he assessed the situation, and simply turned and asked for help.  Others happily came to his aid.  When he completed the course, he did not celebrate – but he walked back to assist others in that same difficult portion.  Children I normally work with are petrified at the idea of being caught “cheating” and are normally obsessed with doing things “on their own.”  While Sudbury school students are given the freedom to do things on their own in their day to day lives, they collaborated more seamlessly than any group I’ve worked with, whether child or adult.  They also embraced the challenge happily.  Children from 3 years old, to 7 years old, to 17 years old worked together with the adults in the group in a totally natural way. I was amazed.

A few other observations:

  • I was amazed by how peacefully the children negotiated, and how awesome they were at playing.  They had no shortage of ideas for little games – they turned the water totter first into a boat and then into a slide. They used elements on our ropes course in creative ways to entertain themselves. I never heard a child complain about being bored, and I never saw a child arguing over a scarce resource (many groups of kids will wind up arguing over the ping pong table or foosball table, but those items were happily shared with kids of all different ages).
  • I noticed a lot of wonderful non-violent communication in the impromptu school meeting that impressed me a ton as well.  When Otto(i believe) raised his concern, he did not accuse anyone else of anything – he even used “I feel” statements that I have trouble getting my 21 year old staff to do. I don’t know his age – 11? 10? But he communicated his needs earnestly without a hint of self-consciousness, and while he didn’t get his way, he definitely seemed to feel heard. I told him later that I was impressed with how he carried himself, and he said, “Thanks. I lost, but oh well!” I reflected privately how different it feels to be heard and not get your way vs. being told “Because we said so.”
  • The unprompted thankfulness at the first meal was amazing to me too.  Kids calling over to John and saying, “Excuse me – this food is great! Thank you so much!”  Yeah, that doesn’t happen here, ever.

I’d say one thing that really jumped out to me as well was the lack of fear for adults. I could tell that adults in these children’s lives are equal partners in most cases.  They spoke respectfully to them without cowering before them. They met me and saw me as someone whom they could have fun with and not a new person who was going to impose his will on them.  They stated their needs in the school meeting openly and honestly. With virtually every kid I work with, getting them to state their needs is usually preceeded by a long period of, “Are you sure there isn’t something on your mind?” followed by a lot of, “I’m fine” talk when it’s obvious they aren’t fine.

The last thing, of course, is how easily they blend with ages.  I watched Riley, Eli, and Amelia play magic without any hint of annoyance toward Amelia for her slow pace. I watched Casper give piggy-back rides, Cara, Aiden, and Katie look after Oliver, Lucy letting May sit on her lap… these kids definitely didn’t suffer the illusion that age is in any way important.

Perhaps long and rambling – but that’s my testimonial. Feel free to use all or none of it! I truly was blown away.  It really inspired me to go back and infuse even more choice into our program here. It’s funny – I wrote and published this little essay before you came: http://www.vk.org/wpsite/2011/10/the-power-of-choice/ and those ideas were so deeply reaffirmed this week.  Pretty great!

Send my love to those wonderful kids and I look forward to seeing you all again very soon!

James Davis
Director of Program and Marketing for Vanderkamp

Kiran

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[Ed. Kiran graduated from HVSS in 2015.]

From the time he was an infant, my son Kiran (now age 6) has had issues around feeling safe. Cautious, perceptive, and highly sensitive to other people’s energies and emotional states by nature, he is generally slow to adapt to new people and situations. He has always shown an aversion to group activities, preferring the intimacy of one-on-one interactions with trusted individuals in familiar environments. Add to the mix his intense dislike of anything he perceives as compromising his sense of control over his own situation, and the result is a challenging child, to say the least. Monitoring his reactions to any given circumstance and making adjustments accordingly has long since become second nature to me. On more occasions that I care to remember, we have had to make a quick exit from social settings to avert a full-blown tantrum.

Since he started school at Sudbury, I’ve noticed a marked change in Kiran. Although he faced the first week of school with his usual resistance and apprehension, by the end of week two he was actually looking forward to school on most days. His behavior at the key transition times – drop-off and pick-up – has been a true barometer of the shift he’s undergone in the scant two months of school. Last week he announced that I don’t need to go inside with him anymore when I drop him off, and at pick-up the biggest challenge now is extracting him from whatever activity he’s engaged in when I arrive. Whereas at most social events – even ones including other children – Kiran would usually not let me out of his sight, often spending the entire time clutching my hand, at the recent Sudbury bonfire gathering I scarcely caught sight of him for most of the evening, and practically had to launch a search party to find him when it was time to go home. In fact, that particular event was the first time he had ever requested that we attend a social gathering on his own initiative!

So just what is it about life at Sudbury that has sparked these changes in Kiran? From my perspective, the Sudbury model perfectly addresses two of his biggest issues: feeling safe and feeling in control. At first blush it struck me as counter-intuitive that offering children the degree of freedom and autonomy they have at Sudbury could make them feel safe. But Kiran’s rapid adjustment to the school has completely convinced me otherwise. Being given such a high degree of independence with an equal measure of responsibility has done wonders for his self-confidence. The other factor that has been so positive for him is age-mixing. Kiran has always gravitated toward older children, often feeling more comfortable with them than with kids his own age. It has been truly heart-warming to see how helpful the older kids at Sudbury are with the younger ones, and how naturally kids of different ages interact with one another, as well as with the adults. Sudbury sometimes feels more like a tribal community than a school, and at this point in Kiran’s development, I can’t imagine a better place for him.